Monday, September 2, 2013

Motherhood Musings

   But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

This was the verse that was displayed on my daily Bible verse app on my phone this morning. This is the verse that I know that I will need to recall again and again through my journey as a mother, for if there is one thing that motherhood has taught me in these 3 short beginning months, is that I, by myself, am very weak, and that God's grace is more than sufficient for me.

I knew from the moment the 8 week ultrasound monitor showed two perfect embryos in two perfect sacs, and were labeled baby A and baby B; that things were going to be a lot more difficult than I had initially anticipated, when the pregnancy test revealed a positive. But I knew that this was the Lord's doing and He wouldn't give me more than I could bear.

I was in no way or shape prepared for how grueling caring for infant twins would be those first two months, especially in light of the health complications that I developed, a c section, and the boys being born at exactly 36 weeks without the strongest suckling reflex. 

I was extremely sleep deprived and doubted my ability to be even a decent mom, even though I had the help of my love and my family. Those first two months I was in survival mode and wondered if God was near or even hearing my prayers. But He was there. I didn't feel Him by my side because He was carrying me through, and I made it. 

I made it through intense survival mode, I have become accustomed to sleep deprivation and I eagerly await and enjoy every moment I get to spend with my precious boys. But I haven't made it through on my own strength, I've made it through and will continue to make it through on the strength of my Father.

So far motherhood has taught to be completely dependent on God for my needs, for when I am weak He is strong.

(My awesome sunset capturing skills)

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