Sunday, August 24, 2014

38 Weeks Pregnant

oh hey, its just me and my belly
I am officially 38 weeks and 2 days pregnant. And I am tired. Like really tired.

I have officially finished my first term of my online classes at SNHU with a 3.3 gpa. I don't think that's too shabby for work that I completed during the twins nap and bedtime. I'm going to take a break for the upcoming term and then hop right back in  to the next term when the new baby will be around 2 months old. I am excited to complete my sociology degree and all of the opportunities that it will open up for me and my family. I actually found it a bit easier to stay focused on school now that I have the twins, because I know my free time is limited I didn't procrastinate, and my family is my motivation to complete my degree and thinking of them makes it so much easier to git er done.

I wasn't in a total hurry for baby to get here but, I have been having "practice labor" since 36 weeks, and these aren't Braxton Hicks contractions anymore. These contractions are getting super painful, but they aren't consistent and it is driving me crazy. If my little one is ready to come now, then I am fine with that but to have contractions that get up to 8-10 minutes apart, contractions that make me cry, for hours, then all of a sudden to just subside; is getting pretty frustrating. 

I am completely ready to accept the pain that comes with labor, as this is the pain that will bring my baby into the world, and I am so excited to meet him, but this pain without notable progress is getting hard for me to deal with. I'm just trying to stay busy and keep my mind occupied, so I don't freak out wondering if every contraction that I have is the real thing or is it just in preparation. Last night my love and I thought I was really in labor. The pain could only be described as severe and was getting increasingly more painful. and my whole demeanor was different. It was like my body knew things were getting real and got extremely focused on breathing through each contraction. I felt like a woman possessed. I couldn't talk through the contractions, I needed complete silence to focus, and I was making noises that I wasn't even aware of.

I was prepared to welcome my new son today but, the contractions subsided by midday today and I am confused. Why the stop and go? Why the intense pain? Why can't practice contractions be uncomfortable but not super painful? I have no answers for these questions. I am trying to maintain peace and trust that God is in control of this pregnancy and this baby will come when the time is right for him, and that my body knows what it is doing even if it is driving me crazy right now.

Pray for me guys cause it is getting real real right now.

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Tuesday, August 12, 2014

"America Eats Its Babies"

Mike Brown, an 18 year old black man, was gunned down by the police in Ferguson MO a few days ago. According to the police officer who murdered him, the shots fired were the climax to a physical altercation between him and Brown; but according to the dozen of eye witness reports Mike Brown was gunned down in cold blood in the middle of the street. Mike Brown was unarmed and had his hands in plain sight when he was murdered, yet people are still trying to find a way to make it seem like this young man bought his untimely death upon himself. I was absolutely disgusted when I heard the news of yet ANOTHER black man being killed by the police. I have never heard of a white person/youth getting shot to death in broad day light, and I am sick of seeing my people getting killed and brutalized left and right by the police, or by a gun happy white citizen backed by stereotypes and fear as seen in the cases of Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis; and no one really taking a stand against it to make a difference.

I am tired of the excuses that are being made on the behalves of the officers who are committing these crimes. I am tired of hearing people try to make it seem like these victims brought these acts upon themselves instead of treating them like the victims that they are. Lets get something clear, the entire police force is guilty across the entire nation. There is no 'some cops are good, some are bad' excuses anymore. The actions of one will be reflected upon all, because this type of cold blooded killing and brutality in general happens far too often, and if the police force truly wanted to change something then they would put a system of checks and balances in place that wouldn't allow power hungry cops to run around like murdering animals. Instead of standing by their "brothers in blue" the police that commit these crimes would be punished according to the crimes that they commit. 

Racism, discrimination, and prejudice still exist and are just seen in different forms today than they were some 50-60 years ago. Instead of lynchings, we have police brutality and shootings, and the systematic picking off of the black people through an unfair justice system. This is the New World Genocide. This is the picking apart of our future bit by bit, black youth by black youth, family by family. Police officers commit heinous crimes against black youth and people in general and then hide behind the guise of 'serving and protecting' and flip the script on the victims by imposing stereotypes upon them.  

This has to end. We have to take a stand because this is our future. These young men would have been our future fathers, doctors, voters, graduates, business owners, life coaches, and so much more; yet they are never given the opportunity to take advantage of their full potential. I am Mike Brown because I am a mother to 2 young black men with a third on the way. I am Mike Brown because I am married to a black man. I am Mike Brown because I have my cousins, brothers, uncles and father is black. I am Mike Brown because I feel the pain that this tragedy has caused, I feel the helplessness of the situation because it seems that justice never gets served. I am Mike Brown because no one deserves to live in fear of those who are supposed to 'served and protect', based off the color of their skin and gender. We are all Mike Brown because we are human and this should not be happening. Things like this should never happen. We must take a stance. We must make a change. We must speak out. America has to stop eating its babies. 

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Saturday, August 2, 2014

Week 35

I have officially hit week 35 and I am happy about it! I found this wonderful encouraging birth website where many positive natural birth stories can be found. You can check it out here.
I have found some really awesome tools on the site that have helped to make me feel empowered and more comfortable about the labor and delivery process, and my body's ability to birth this baby successfully. I am really big into affirmations and positive vibrations and this site has a ton that are beautiful and would put any mom to be at ease. 

I have yet to pack my hospital bag, but I will be getting that done slowly but surely over the next few days. The boys will be staying with my mom for a day or two after the baby is born and I want to pack them a bag with new pjs and a toy or two and some of their favorite snacks, and some other things that will make them feel really comfortable while they are away from mommy and daddy.
I am definitely feeling like the time to meet the new baby is coming closer as I have been withdrawing into myself and really feeling the power of the life inside me. As hippie like as it sounds I feel as if I am a Goddess when I am pregnant, to have a life created inside you, to carry that life around, to be of one flesh with your child and then to birth your child into this world; can only be seen as one of the most sacred acts. I am truly embracing the beauty of it all and the power my body holds. 

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