Right Now.....

I am sitting on the couch in my living room listening to Ky 'read' to King in their bedroom, and I can't help but think that right now is incredibly good. I, like most of the world, have a billion things to get done and probably a billion more things that I could complain about but, I honestly know that I have so much more to be grateful for. 

It is an interesting feeling to want to complain or stress and it just won't happen. I feel like I am experiencing the act of just being that is so refreshing and relaxing I am shocked that I haven't done this sooner. My love shared with me a quote from Yogi Bhajan that reads, “We’re human Beings, not human Doings.”, and that really blew my mind. 

I, for one, would definitely classify myself as a human doing, it is very hard for me to just 'be'. I feel like I have to be doing something at all times or I will look lazy. As you can see it has nothing to do with what I feel but how my inactivity will be perceived by others. I believe this is another turning point for me in my quest to live a more balanced and harmonious life. 

I will revel in these small moments where I feel completely relaxed and at ease and content. I will learn to just 'be' regardless of the situation, and make the transition from a human doing, to a human being.

39 Weeks. Get this baby out of me.

My due date is this Saturday, and I am ready to meet my baby.

And to not have to wear a compression stocking because of my pregnancy induced varicose veins.

And to be done with the blood thinner shots.

This has been the longest month of my life. 

It has felt like a year has almost passed.

So I am ready to be a mommy again.

Come on baby.

Get outta my belly. 

38 Weeks Pregnant

oh hey, its just me and my belly

I am officially 38 weeks and 2 days pregnant. And I am tired. Like really tired.

I have officially finished my first term of my online classes at SNHU with a 3.3 gpa. I don't think that's too shabby for work that I completed during the twins nap and bedtime. I'm going to take a break for the upcoming term and then hop right back in  to the next term when the new baby will be around 2 months old. I am excited to complete my sociology degree and all of the opportunities that it will open up for me and my family. I actually found it a bit easier to stay focused on school now that I have the twins, because I know my free time is limited I didn't procrastinate, and my family is my motivation to complete my degree and thinking of them makes it so much easier to git er done.

I wasn't in a total hurry for baby to get here but, I have been having "practice labor" since 36 weeks, and these aren't Braxton Hicks contractions anymore. These contractions are getting super painful, but they aren't consistent and it is driving me crazy. If my little one is ready to come now, then I am fine with that but to have contractions that get up to 8-10 minutes apart, contractions that make me cry, for hours, then all of a sudden to just subside; is getting pretty frustrating. 

I am completely ready to accept the pain that comes with labor, as this is the pain that will bring my baby into the world, and I am so excited to meet him, but this pain without notable progress is getting hard for me to deal with. I'm just trying to stay busy and keep my mind occupied, so I don't freak out wondering if every contraction that I have is the real thing or is it just in preparation. Last night my love and I thought I was really in labor. The pain could only be described as severe and was getting increasingly more painful. and my whole demeanor was different. It was like my body knew things were getting real and got extremely focused on breathing through each contraction. I felt like a woman possessed. I couldn't talk through the contractions, I needed complete silence to focus, and I was making noises that I wasn't even aware of.

I was prepared to welcome my new son today but, the contractions subsided by midday today and I am confused. Why the stop and go? Why the intense pain? Why can't practice contractions be uncomfortable but not super painful? I have no answers for these questions. I am trying to maintain peace and trust that God is in control of this pregnancy and this baby will come when the time is right for him, and that my body knows what it is doing even if it is driving me crazy right now.

Pray for me guys cause it is getting real real right now.